Happy Valentine’s Day/Single’s Awareness Day

These days there are many approaches to Valentine’s Day.

The No Approach: Ignore Valentine’s Day and act like it is any other day of your life. Who cares about red and pink?

The Sappy Approach: Flowers, cards, chocolates, teddy bears.. the works.

The Mature Relationship Approach: Exchanging cards and making dinner together that you will eat by candle light.

The Friend’s With Benefits Approach: Lets put on some red lingerie and pretend we are in love for a night… Don’t expect me to call you tomorrow.


Within all these approaches there is a need for Band Aids. If you take the No Approach with your girlfriend, you might get punched in the face and need a Band Aid to hold the cut on your cheek closed until you can get stitches. If you take the Sappy Approach, you have a high chance of cuts from either a) the sappy cards, b) the cardboard on the candy box, or c) thorns on the roses you bought for her. In the Mature Relationship Approach you’ll most likely end up slicing a finger while cutting veggies because you’re so distracted by your beautiful mature girlfriend. In the Friend’s With Benefits Approach you may do something kinky resulting in injury. And lastly in the Best Friend’s Approach you’ll most likely get drunk and smack your head on something/break a wine glass and need a Band Aid for the battle wounds.

No matter how you spend this Valentine’s Night or what approach you take, be safe, folks.


A Break Up Letter

My Dear Band Aid,

I feel that our relationship has plateaued. You are sticking around too long and I need to move on. I need to be independent and free to find myself, and you are just too clingy for that to happen. You need to give me some room to breathe. I feel you are taking advantage of my flaws and using them to your advantage to stay in my life.

So this is it Band Aid. We are finished. I am ripping you off and throwing you in the trash. I will learn to take pride in my open wounds and to stand strong against your power over me. I will survive.